That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
