batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
