Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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