I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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