too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
