Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
