my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
