just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She's the barista slut.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
