Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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