i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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