I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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