Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
