i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
