Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
