I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
