Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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