I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize