my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
