i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I licked your asshole in confidence.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
