I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize