All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
