the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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