She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
