i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
