I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
