My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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