onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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