I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize