I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
