I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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