No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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