I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
