Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
