FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
