So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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