Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
