he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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