he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
