What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I can text with my tongue
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
