I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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