My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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