how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
