My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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