you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
