You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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