I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
