Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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