then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
