dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
