everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
