its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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