youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
