just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
