I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
