i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
