btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
