There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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