Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Randomize
