I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
