You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
