Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
