The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
