am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
