I'm drive I can fine osifer
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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