Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
