Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
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just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
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Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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