I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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