dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
