I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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