Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I will pee on everything he values.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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