we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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