I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
