and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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