well you can't waste a boner
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Damn victory sex feels great
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