What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize