Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
