I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
