winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
