Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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