You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
