it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
