He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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