lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
