Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
