my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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