my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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