He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
